


afterlife.

by viverella



Category: Runaways (Comics), Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Post-Canon, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-02-28 16:52:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13275768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viverella/pseuds/viverella
Summary: Sometimes, in between trying to stop world destruction and bringing down your parents, it’s hard to find time to have “the talk.” Karolina gets it, she really, really does. But at some point, a girl’s gotta know – are we dating or not?(OR: Nico thinks they’re already dating and Karolina’s still wondering why they haven’t had the relationship talk yet and a lot of useless pining ensues)





	afterlife.

**Author's Note:**

> aka my obligatory road trip fic that I keep meaning to write for all my ships but somehow never get around to ever
> 
> ANYWAYS this was supposed to be a one-shot but I've gotten impatient and I've been rooting for nico and karolina literally ever since I first heard of vol 1 of runaways, so I'm just posting this in parts lmao I'm super busy these days anyways, so idk when I'd actually finish writing this, but here's to hoping that posting this motivates me to finish it quicker!! 
> 
> ONWARDS!

When Karolina thinks about her life these days, it's divided into a clean _before_ and _after_. Before is bright and beautiful and soft, but these days, before also feels squishy and uncertain. There are things Karolina misses, like feeling safe and certain, like knowing where she's going to wake up in the morning, like falling asleep in her own bed. And sometimes, Karolina almost finds herself wishing she could go back, even though going back would mean going back to all the lies, to all the secrets, to not knowing if she was surrounded by people who truly wanted the best for her. Because even though Karolina knows that the version of her that she's allowing herself to be is her truer self, her realer self, her better self, even though Karolina knows that things will be better this way, that there's more out here for her in the great unknown than there ever would be in her parents' familiar, immaculate house, there's a part of her, a big part of her, that's scared. She's never been on her own before, not like this, and she's not sure how she's supposed to be a real person at the end of the day. 

But there are things that are nice about the after too. Karolina likes being able to go where she wants, when she wants. She likes exploring new places in the country she never thought she'd see. She likes that she doesn't have to pretend to be someone she's not anymore, that she can be who she really is, whoever that turns out to be. And she likes, most of all, that she gets to surround herself with the people she most wants to see every day and no one she doesn't. It's good, mostly, but there's a gnawing at the pit of her stomach sometimes, like she's waiting for the other shoe to drop, like she can't quite help checking over her shoulder with each new town they pass through. It's like a part of her is still holding back, and she can't quite figure out where it's hiding, and that, Karolina thinks, is maybe a little less good. 

Karolina takes a deep breath to clear her head and blinks her eyes open at the sound of Molly's whooping laughter. She recrosses her legs to get more comfortable on the roof of the RV camper they managed to get their hands on in the wake of what went down with their parents in LA, and she stares out at the secluded little clearing they've made their camp in. They're somewhere in northern Nevada, or maybe Oregon. They're surrounded by sparse shrubbery and clusters of trees, and below, there's a small lake where Chase is teaching Molly how to skip rocks and Gert is letting Old Lace out to catch some sun and Alex is carefully trying to coax to life the CB radio they picked up a few towns ago before they hit the road. It's cool out today, and the light breeze cuts through Karolina's thin cardigan, but she finds that she mostly doesn't mind. It keeps her alert and fresh, and it helps her feel a little less weird when she meditates, something that she's found she still needs to keep level even if it comes with the unsteady memory of it being her and her mother's thing. 

Next to her, Nico's head pops up over the side of the RV. She spots Karolina and grins, carefully lifting an arm up to hand Karolina a couple mugs. Karolina takes them and furrows her eyebrows, her mouth turning into a bemused but grateful smile.

"Thought you might want some tea," Nico says as she hoists herself up the ladder on the side of their RV and onto the roof to sit next to Karolina. She takes one of the mugs back and clasps both hands around it like she's trying to make sure none of the warmth escapes. 

Karolina smiles and takes a sip of her tea. Mint. "You don't like tea," she says. 

Nico shrugs before taking a sip from her own mug. Her mouth leaves behind a purple-red print on the white ceramic surface and she wrinkles her nose a little and frowns at her tea. "You don't like coffee," she counters, as if that explains everything. She lowers her cup to her lap and stares out at the scenery around them along with Karolina. 

Karolina looks at her out of the corner of her eye, at the stillness that Nico somehow manages to cultivate, at how she seems to make peace with her own quietness for so long at a time. Karolina meditates almost every day, because she needs the time away from people, the time to her own thoughts, but even she isn't truly that good at the sitting still and not fidgeting bit. But Nico these days is calmer than she used to be, less pent up anger and misplaced aggression than the two years she spent stewing over Amy's death. These days, Nico feels settled, somehow, like in all that went down, she somehow managed to find a piece of herself that she'd lost, as heartbreaking as the whole ordeal turned out to be. 

Karolina starts to say something, some kind of question on the tip of her tongue about how Nico's found it in herself to be so okay with everything or what exactly Nico thinks the two of them are, because they've never talked about the kiss that night at the dance, or any of the kisses after, on the road, and it's felt fine, mostly, that this is just a thing they do now. Except that there are times like this, when Karolina has time to think and breathe and the world feels just a little bit too big. Except when the uncertainty creeps up Karolina's spine and she wonders _but what if I'm wrong?_

Nico opens her mouth to say something then too, and their words collide in an unintelligible jumble. They laugh, a little awkward, fumbling moment, and Karolina waves for Nico to speak, lifting her mug to her mouth. There's a part of her, Karolina thinks, that almost maybe believes that if she never asks, her fears will never become real, like she can hide in the uncertainty forever. It's a child's dream, but there are moments when there is some comfort in pretending you're still a child.

"What exactly are we doing?" Nico asks. 

Karolina feels her heart leap into her throat. "I've been thinking the same thing," she blurts out, too quickly to have time to think better about it. 

Nico turns with wide eyes, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Oh, thank god," she says on a long breath out, something like relief spreading across her face. "I've been going crazy here thinking it was just me. I mean-" She gestures out to their friends, who are all laughing and goofing off like nothing's changed. "Look at us. It's like we're not even doing anything sometimes. I mean, shouldn't we be, I don't know, like training or something? What if our parents find us?" 

Karolina lets out a long breath and turns to look back out at their friends below them, trying not to look like she feels like a balloon in her chest has just been popped. She wonders silently to herself what she possibly could've thought they were talking about except for, of course, the most important thing in their lives right now. She wonders how she could be so silly and hopelessly optimistic, especially after everything's happened. She takes another deep breath and prays her voice won't shake when she speaks. 

"We deserve a break, don't you think?" she offers, which isn't really the answer Nico is looking for, she's sure, but it's the first reasonable thing that comes to mind, and she sort of feels like if she jams enough words out of her mouth, the hollow feeling in her chest will start to go away. "And how would our parents even find us, anyways? We're literally in the middle of nowhere."

Nico twists her mouth to one side like she always does when she's thinking. Her lip ring catches the sun, and Karolina has to make herself look away before she gets caught staring again. 

"Yeah, but," Nico says slowly, like she's choosing her words carefully. "What if?"

And Karolina doesn't have a good answer to that, because isn't that the question at the center of every problem in her life right now? What if this ( _what if Nico isn't serious about all of this and this is just some short-lived thing, fueled on by adrenaline and danger?_ ), what if that ( _what if their parents find them before Karolina has a chance to figure out what this thing between them even is?_ ), what if this other thing ( _what if their parents find them, period?_ ) - she's ready for the "better" part of the "it gets better" in her life already, but it's like the universe is conspiring against her. 

"I don't know," Karolina says, and it's the closest she's come to feeling like she's saying what she really means all day. 

\---

The thing is, sometimes, if Karolina really thinks about it, it's like they are sort of _together_ , for lack of a better term for what they are. They confide in each other and spend most of their time together (not that that's necessarily hard what with all of them sharing living space, but still), and Nico sometimes holds Karolina's hand or fiddles with Karolina's hair or finds excuses to get in Karolina's space, and Karolina's afraid to ask, like it'll shatter whatever careful balance they've managed to settle into now, but she's going crazy wondering if this is just all in her head. She's never had friends like this before, not in the _I'd fight to the death for you_ way, not in the _we are the only family that matters_ kind of way, not even when they were all friends the first time around. She's not sure if she should read into this so much, or if this is just a thing that happens when this is the small group of people left in the world you can trust.

But there are times like this, when Nico wakes up with screams caught in her throat, and Karolina slides into her bed to comfort her. There are times like this, when Nico wraps her arms around Karolina and lets the sobs that she lets no one else see come pouring out. There are times like this, when Karolina thinks _there's just no way this can be anything else._

And it's times like this when Karolina always wants to ask, when the words are right on the tip of her tongue, and then she thinks better of it, thinks _maybe tomorrow, when she's calmer_ , and instead just wraps her arms around Nico's shoulders and rubs slow circles into Nico's back, murmuring, "Shh… shh… It was just a dream."

Nico softens into her touch, her shoulders slowly easing down, the tension leaving her grip on Karolina's waist, and in the end, Nico is just tired and still, her eyelids dropping like she can't bear to let herself sleep. Privately, Karolina wonders how long it's been since Nico got a proper night's sleep. Privately, Karolina knows the answer is probably closer to two years than she wants to hear. 

Most nights, they fall asleep like that again, a tangle of limbs and Nico clinging to Karolina like she's the only dry land left in all of this. Karolina usually wakes to Nico's hair ticking her shoulders and Nico's face buried into her neck, and those brief moments right before she fully wakes up are probably the closest thing she's felt to peace since seeing their parents in that basement. 

There's a night, though, when this doesn't happen, when Nico just keeps staring at some middle distance between them and the bunk across the RV from them. Karolina runs her fingers through Nico's hair, tangled, but soft and fine all the same. There's a part of her, she thinks to herself, that's getting used to the way Nico carries the silence with her. 

"I keep having this dream," Nico says quietly, almost reverently like she's at confessional. "Amy and I - we're kids and we're playing in the yard. Our parents are in the house somewhere, but I can't see them. The house is too dark. Then we hear them call out to us, and Amy stands up to go inside, and it's like the darkness stretches out to meet her. I keep telling her to stop and come back, maybe because I'm scared of what'll happen to her. Maybe because I'm scared to go in alone. I can't move. She disappears, and I can hear our parents still, and I keep shouting and shouting for her, but she never comes back out. I know she's gone. And I know the darkness is coming for me next."

The silence somehow feels much heavier and quieter when Nico's voice fades from the room, and Karolina finds herself feeling more helpless than she's ever felt. Karolina sometimes wonders what it would've been like, to grow up with a brother or a sister. Would she have been more daring with her life? More interesting, perhaps? Or just more tragic? 

"It was just a dream," Karolina says, and even as the words leave her mouth, she knows it's only a half-truth. 

Nico lets out a long breath and curls closer into the crook of Karolina's neck. "I know," she says, and that's half a lie too. 

Karolina wonders to herself if they'll ever get to a point when they can all stop speaking in tongues, when they can start living their real lives again, free of lies, free of all the bullshit. Karolina wonders what that would even mean. 

\---

Their next stop is somewhere on their meandering trek up through Idaho to get to Montana, half because none of them really trust the others to drive their giant RV through busy cities or crowded highways, and half because Nico keeps insisting that the farther away they stay from actual civilization, the harder it'll be for their parents to track them. She talks about Wizard having its feelers everywhere, especially since Wizard's record sales this year means that their cell phones are officially the most popular phone in the country. And Karolina would write it off as conspiracy theory level nonsense if she hadn't seen firsthand the kind of information that Wizard keeps on their servers. So they run from small town to small town, paying in cash only and buying burner cell phones as needed, keeping Old Lace hidden during the day and letting her out at night. 

They make a stop in a town so small that Main Street consists of a handful of stores, a dilapidated gas station, and a tiny diner that looks straight out of a movie. A couple streets over, a small church tolls loudly in the otherwise quiet air. It's midday by the time they pull in and it's sunny and hot, but nowhere near Los Angeles level hot, with the way the city heat bakes in from the sun above and the asphalt below. A few locals stroll in and out of the stores, carrying groceries or picking up their kids from Sunday school. Karolina peeks out the window apprehensively, wondering if maybe they should've stuck to bigger cities after all. Sure, they're lifetimes away from most of Wizard's reach here, but they don't exactly blend in either. 

"Okay," Alex announces as Chase throws their RV into park on the outskirts of town. "Here's what we need - Nico, we need new clothes, and try to sell what you can of our old stuff."

Molly snorts. "You're gonna trust her to dress herself inconspicuously?" she says, in that matter of fact way of hers that makes almost anything, even something that could be construed as mean coming from anyone else feel that much less biting. Nico shoots Molly a look, and Molly shrugs. "What? Even you have to admit you don't exactly look middle America."

Nico looks down at what she's wearing - a toned down version of her usual wares, to be sure, in still all black but noticeably fewer bells and whistles than she usually employs - and frowns. "This is me being inconspicuous," she says, almost sounding puzzled at herself. 

Alex pushes his glasses back up onto his face. "Fine, Karolina, you go with her," he says, and Molly nods in approval. He pivots, "Molly, Gert - groceries. Cheap and generic stuff is fine. We're on a budget now." He takes a breath, barely perceptible but still meaningfully there nonetheless, and finishes, "Chase, you and I are going to deal with this rust bucket and see if we can find some maps."

A murmur spreads through the air as all of them begin to discuss what they're going to get, Karolina requesting some vegetarian options for herself and Molly asking Gert if she thinks the grocery store will have Froot Loops, her favorite unhealthy breakfast indulgence. Alex carefully rations out money to each of them and fusses over how slim their wad of cash has gotten over the course of their trip until Nico smacks his arm and tells him to knock it off. 

"You know that kind of stress takes, like, five years off your life right?" she teases. 

He lets out a breath that sounds like it'd be a laugh if he let it, and shoves the remaining money back in the little safe they have hidden away in a cabinet behind some of their dish ware. 

"At this point," he says, "I'm just worried about surviving the next five months."

Nico rolls her eyes and grabs Karolina by the arm to lead them out into the warm sun outside. Karolina can hear, behind them, Molly laughing and Chase saying, _Chill out, Wilder, the world isn't going to end because you stopped freaking out about shit all the time_ and Alex complaining that well someone has to be the responsible one around here don't they? As they walk out of earshot, Nico let's her hand slide down from Karolina's elbow to her hand, lacing their fingers together. Nico's hand is cool despite the warm air around them, and Karolina marvels at how often she feels tempted to do something reckless and grand, like light up in technicolor to warm her up, and Karolina's never been reckless before and it's new and exciting and terrifying all at once. 

"Do I really stand out that much?" Nico asks, looking down at her frayed black jeans and the black crop top that laces up at her collar bones just so. She still has her chunky boots from before they ran away, but most of the other frills have been stripped away, the wild updo she teased her hair into not withstanding. 

Karolina laughs. "Well, not that many people out here seem to be wearing black from head to toe, so you might be out of luck," she says. She watches as Nico frowns, the plum colored pout of her mouth pulling down. At least, she thinks to herself, Nico has forgone the black lipstick in favor of something marginally more mainstream. "We should try spicing up your wardrobe a bit. Are there any colors you like to wear?"

Nico twists her mouth to one side, considering. "I like dark red," she offers, which is so typically her that Karolina can't help laughing again. 

"Well, that's something at least," she says as she tugs Nico into the town's second hand clothing shop. "Let's start there."

\---

There are times on their trip when it's almost easy to forget that they're supposed to be on the run, that they're supposed to be looking over their shoulders at every turn and keep their heads down. They make stops sometimes at those crazy roadside attractions that Karolina thought only existed in movies and TV shows - enormous balls of yarn and ostrich farms and, one day, a giant field filled with dinosaurs welded out of scrap metal. Gert makes them stop, insisting that she and Old Lace just have to take pictures with them, and there's no one around for miles besides. They've been heading south for some time now, and as they all pile outside, the air is hot and dry. 

"Chase, come on," Gert urges as she and Old Lace immediately run to the nearest sculpture. 

She insistently waves him over and then Molly too, and she makes Chase take pictures of the three of them in front of her favorite dinosaurs with a disposable camera she picked up at the last gas station. Karolina watches with amusement and wanders through the empty field, kicking dirt under her shoes and stretching her legs. She wonders absently if it'd be crazy to go for a quick flight around the area. It's been too long, she thinks, since she's felt that kind of mindless freedom. 

Nico fusses over some of their many maps with Alex, arguing over where they're going to go next, and Karolina watches them, wondering how it can seem like so much and yet so little has changed between them. Karolina wonders if she were in that position if she'd be able to be the bigger person, or if that selfish part of her would rear its ugly head and refuse to let her let things go. 

"Ugh," Karolina hears Molly grumble, and when she looks over, she finds that Molly and Chase have switched places and Gert and Chase are now posing for pictures like this is some fun friend's vacation to remember forever and not the forced flight they've been cornered into. "You guys are gross."

"Hey!" Gert protests, but Molly's already marching away to the shade and shoving the camera towards Alex and Nico. 

"Here, one of you do this," she says. "Those two are too much." 

Nico just stares at Alex until he sighs and grabs the camera from Molly, handing off the maps to Nico, whose mouth curls up into a satisfied smirk as she straightens out the pile of papers. Molly comes to sit down next to her on a small pile of rocks, pushing her hair out of her face and squinting at the bright sun. Karolina comes to join them and leans back against the RV next to Nico, peeking over at the mess of maps in her hands, their shoulders bumping just so. They're scribbled over in the shitty blue pen they took from a motel back near the beginning of their journey. Certain landmarks are circled, some crossed out from when someone must've vetoed one of the stops, with notes written in the margins in both Nico's scrawling cursive and Alex's neat all-caps handwriting - places to avoid, safe places to park and sleep for the night, places they can pick up extra cash for a little bit of work. 

Nico's mouth is turned down into an inquisitive frown, her hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun. Karolina tucks a stray lock of hair behind Nico's ear. 

"Where to next, boss?" she asks against the backdrop of Gert shrieking when Chase and Old Lace conspire to take a picture with Gert sitting on top of one of the dinosaur sculptures. 

Nico shrugs and folds the map up, peering out at their friends and squinting against the sun. "Where aren't we going, honestly?" she says, sounding tired in a way Karolina hasn't heard her let herself get in a while. Karolina wonders if it's the nightmares that're behind this, or if it's something else altogether. 

Karolina crunches the dirt beneath her feet with the toe of her shoe. "Where are we trying to go?" she asks, trying not to sound too put out that Nico and Alex seem to be doing all the planning for them these days without really giving anyone else any warning. 

Nico heaves a sigh. "Well, I think our best bet is still finding the Avengers or something," she says, like someone trying to sound like they have more of a plan than they do. 

Karolina laughs, just a little. "New York?" she says. "We're not exactly headed that way, you know."

Nico smiles a little, the corner of her mouth pulling up a bit. "Yeah, well, Alex still doesn't trust any adults, so it's been a tough sell," she says. And the way she looks at Karolina, Karolina can tell that Nico gets Alex's hesitation, frustration at him notwithstanding. 

Karolina hums in sympathy, and lets Nico close her eyes and rest her head on Karolina's shoulder. Nico's skin is cool despite the heat, and Karolina suddenly becomes acutely aware of how warm she is. 

"See?" Molly says, still staring out at the others' shenanigans. She waves a hand out towards Gert and Chase. "Why can't they be normal like you? It's not that hard, is it?"

Karolina laughs and leans her head to the side on top of Nico's. Nico mutters something about _sisters, am I right?_ , which makes Molly laugh as well, and all the while Karolina thinks to herself that she's never felt less normal ever in her life. She's a glowing alien on the run across the country with her childhood friends and their pet dinosaur, and the girl she's had a crush on for as long as she can remember even having an inkling of being attracted to girls isn't, well, hers, but she's not running away from Karolina regardless. She's kissed her crush and her crush has kissed back, and maybe that's something, Karolina thinks, and it's already more than she could ever have hoped for when she mustered up the courage to make a move at the dance that feels like a lifetime ago now. She thinks about the girl she was weeks ago, at the PRIDE gala, drunk and self-loathing and in denial, and she thinks about the person she is now, having put her heart on her sleeve, consequences be damned. Maybe that's okay, Karolina thinks, to just be okay with that. Maybe that's enough for now.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so very much for reading!! kudos and comments are always appreciated!!!!
> 
> come find me on [tumblr](http://thenicominoru.tumblr.com) if you feel so inclined!!


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